It was cold in the middle of summer, food was too bland, too many choices in the grocery store, the dress code was different, calling elders by their first names was preferred over ‘Sir’ and ‘Ma’am,’ and on top of all that I almost got myself killed by driving on the left hand side of the road!
These are just a few challenges I had in readujsting to life in U.S. after living in Chennai, India as a graduate student for two years. This period of adjustment is called ‘reverse culture shock’ or ‘re-entry shock’. It is similar to culture shock, but is experienced by a person upon returning to their home country.
(Click on graph to see a larger size.)
In the book Third Culture Kids, David C. Pollack and Ruth E. Van Reken divide cultural identity into four categories “foreigner, mirror, adopted, and hidden immigrant." [1] I know I fit into all categories when it comes to my Indian experience. Landing in India, I was an obvious foreigner. Though I dressed in ethnic clothes daily, was it my white skin that gave it away? I was a mirror to all Indians- an ambassador for America, expelling myths (..no not all Americans have guns..) and creating new stereotypes of Americans in the moodiest days of culture shock. And, though from my outer appearance and food habit I definitely adopted Indian culture, it was only when I began to adopt mannerisms, thought patterns, speaking English in a new way, use local slang and laugh along to local jokes did I know that I was truly adopting something unique. And, though I never was prepared for it- when I returned to America, I was a hidden immigrant because I had to readjust, I had to relearn, and I had to integrate the old with the new and the new with the old.
Though it’s been almost seven years since I returned to America, I still yearn to return to India. I now sometimes imagine India as I imagined America while I was in India; a dream, an illusion, a place that is etched in my mind of mystery and intrigue. It’s odd to think while in India, I thought of my own country, a ‘more familiar place,’ as a land of ‘mystery and intrigue,’ but I did. Years later, in America, though the yearning comes in the day time, and night time- dreams of India awake me with smiles and nostalgia on a regular basis, I continue to learn ways to integrate the two mysterious cultures into a new lifestyle. Of course, marrying into an Indian family has helped this process become more real to me also and keep me connected to India as we visit India on a yearly basis.
I was so excited to come back to U.S. after being in India for two years. I was looking forward, as most would, to seeing family and friends and trying to get a job. But, I did face challenges in adapting to my reverse culture shock. Dr. Bruce La Brack, from the School of International Studies, University of the Pacific, has categorized these experiences as "The Top 10 Re-entry Challenges" [2] (as detailed in the box to the right).
If checking off these bullet points one by one diagnosed re-entry shock, I would have had a positive diagnosis. I experienced all but one of these points. Luckily, for the most part, I was surrounded by people who wanted to learn from and discuss my experiences. Over the years, I have realized people don’t want to hear hours of me talking, talking, talking, though it would be easy to do and in the right setting can be quite enriching, but in everyday situations, I have devised some communication skills to avoid coming off too strong.
Five ways to share experiences to keep interest:
● Remember it’s never ‘about me.’
Of course people ask me because I am the one who experienced it. But it really that person who is curious about me, not me.
● Keep answers to no more than 4-5 lines.
I have found with any more than this, people trail off and get bored.
● Whenever possible, end the last line with a question directed to the other person.
This shows that you are interested in sharing your experience but also learning about the other person, keeping it a two-way conversation.
● Try to tie your experience with something the person knows.
For instance, when I talk to Indians from India who generally ask me, “How did you get to India?” and I begin to explain the bureaucracy, I end my part of the conversation with, “ I am sure living in India most of your life, you have experienced this. What was it like for you?” Or, if I am talking to a non-Indian wanting to know about crowds in India, I may say, “Shopping any day in Pondi Bazaar the crowd overwhelms you, just like it would if you were to go shopping here days before Christmas, but multiply that by 100 for big holidays in India like Diwali. Do you think you could handle such crowds?”
● Offer trivia or random facts about everyday life.
One reason people want to know about other countries and go there is to know how people live on a daily basis. Trivia or fun facts about a place can help take the spotlight off you and offer opportunities for others to join in the conversation, possibly offering their own trivia about their own lifestyles.
Besides learning how to communicate my experience with others, I have also learned to integrate the culture I learned in India to my life in U.S. This honestly continues to be an on-going process as I learn and adapt new things. Of course, there are ways that I try to prevent another reverse culture shock from happening if and when I get to go back to Chennai. I know the area has changed, my classmates have married, some moved away, my local guardians still reside there, but the family structures have changed and so much more. Though I remember it as was when I was there, I know people move forward in life and change. In fact, if they were to visit me in U.S. today, I am quite sure they would be shocked to see how much of Indian culture I have retained and practice in my home on a daily basis.
One of the greatest lessons learnt – that happens to be an ongoing lesson as I travel between America and India- is perspective. I continue to appreciate aspects of both cultures as I learn, adapt and adjust between the two. Initially, I wanted to go to India because it would have been totally different- and it was. I knew there were things about America I did not like and I wanted to change. Now I appreciate America all the more because we in America have the choice to embrace other cultures, other ways of living, other spiritual traditions – it is our choice. One could say this is an “American right”- the right to choose. I realize people in other countries; other cultures may not have this opportunity or right. It’s not a bad thing, it is just different and that is why we curious folks like to travel around the world or around the block to learn about how others live, the values they hold and what we can learn to better our lives from them.
-concluded-
More about my reverse culture shock at: http://alaivani.com/Blog/tabid/56/EntryID/121/Default.aspx
For more information on reverse culture shock:
Don’t Burn Out on Reentry – Malaysian-American Commission on Educational Exchange http://www.macee.org.my/Reentry1.pdf
References:
Tags: "cross cultural", "cultural confusion", "cultural integration", "culture immersion", "culture shock", "hidden immigrant", "research", "reverse culture shock", "third culture kids"
Updated September 2009